Tuesday, 31 March 2009

I Thought I Would Be Fitter

Somehow after training since... mmmm June? I really thought I'd be buff by now. Yes so I don't manage to make ALL the training sessions and I don't do my 100 sit ups 3 times a week but I never thought I'd actually be FATTER. Now I understand that exercising gives me more girth. Arms are thicker (not too difficult, considering where they were at), upper back is a little more tight under the pits (I can do really good pull-ups, albeit only about 10 in total) and I won't need false calves under my Restoration stockings but WHERE THE FRAK HAS THIS SPARE TYRE COME FROM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? This is despite the running, this is despite the fact I am physically more able than I was 9 months ago.

There will be no picture of it until I can do an 'AFTER' photo. I can 'feel' a six-pack once I move the fatty huggables to one side. But hmmm, I'm flippantly thinking 'hmmm, that Everest Workout and Diet better work'. It's probably masking fear. yeah. Fat masking fear.

For the time being, I'm holding in.

Monday, 30 March 2009


We had the last official meeting for The Everest Test 2009 on Saturday, with talks given by various people where we found out various bits of news, good and bad. Now we have an official title sponsor we have now been renamed The Nokia Maps Everest Test 2009 which is great!

One bit of bad news was that BN-BN is no longer going to be with us on the trek, which is a real shame. Long live BN-BN. We'd rather have you safe and sound than almost certainly really ill. That's real heroism, knowing when to live and fight another day.

As a nice little segue from illnesses to the medics, the medics gave us a rather serious talk, by way of introduction to themselves and their respective backgrounds. We all came away with more than a little fear in our stomachs. All the girls picked their favourite. I took notes. Crackles? In me lungs? Isla Fisher gave a good talk as did Ian Pitchblack. The other two (whom I have just met, so I can't remember their names as I'm not friends with them on facebook) were good talkers as well as informative and friendly. I look forward to getting to know them all properly on the trek. Hopefully I won''t have much dealing with them in a 'professional' capacity.

I hope I don't get PMS on the mountain. Or whatever it's called. That'd be quite scary. I guess the other things I could get are HACO and HAPO, which could result in death, perhaps or worse. I've had HANO before but that was 10 years ago and it mysteriously cleared up just like it arrived. But a bit of debilitating swelling on the joints doesn't really compare with fluid-filled lungs... hmmm... do I really want to do this?

Unfortunately, yes.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

I Really Like Your Merkin


Now that we are nearly set, with just under a month to go I’m able finally update this blog. I can’t remember the last blog I did, let alone the things that have happened since then. Yes, I can see that I did one on Monday night/Tuesday morning inserting a portion of a song lyric by Joni Mitchell, just to strengthen my resolve. I think the enormity of what I will be doing in April has just hit me, has just sunk in. Let’s face it, copypasting a song lyric does not a blog make. These blogs may not be chronological.

At the end of Feb, Brooksie, VixNix, VickStaveley, Hely, Foody, Coxy (as I have just now named her, she probably needs some sort of outdoorsy army-style name), Agnes (Brooksie’s running friend) and I went to Gomshall in Surrey to wear in our boots.

Not one for nambying it while walking I thought I’d pack my rucksack with heavy things to weight it. 2 pairs of shoes, a change of clothes, a 2l bottle of water, a compendium of hit songs from the 80’s (for guitar and piano) and a bag of uncooked rice. Yeah, Zooby knows how to pack for harsh conditions.

I got to Gomshall earlier than the other London-based ladies (Isla coming up from Brighton and VixNix driving from Hampshire) and was greeted off the really unsecure railway crossing (basically, just walk on the tracks to cross to the other platform, how very 1950’s) to be greeted by VixNix with flasks of hot drinks and biscuits in the back of her car. The girl knows how to make a tired man welcome, I tell you! Isla is there too, tea in hand and warming herself by her car. Within minutes the rest of the ladies arrive – we took different trains from civilisation – they having left from Clapham and me from Charing Cross. After making a pitstop in the cafĂ© of the caravan salesroom we set out.

Now, Brooksie has apparently made this trip before and wanted to ‘go another way round the hill’. Her words.

From the railway station, we wandered into a village called ‘Shere’ which, according to the Shere Tourist Board, is the prettiest village in Surrey. It certainly has a well-clipped cemetery and several country pubs. However, it was once we were out of the village that things started to go wrong…

I am being unfair. Brooksie didn’t actually get us lost, we didn’t really get lost, we just took longer than we thought we would to get to the path that she had planned.

Right, according to my blackberry, our lowest elevation was 327ft and our highest was 993ft which is a difference of 666 ft. I’ve just worked that out by the way but something tells me it was something to do with the incline – the fact that it was such a b*stard to ascend. Somewhat worrying. How high are we climbing up to - 16,945 ft? Yeah. That b!tch is gonna be some work. Altitude sickness, the headaches, the foot aches (our journey was about 4 hours and we covered 9.98 miles) the shoes fared well, no chafing, no blisters, great, in fact. We must remember to wear comfy shoes for as long as possible while we’re camped (or teahoused).

When we got back to Shere, we headed straight to the pub and a welcome lunch (which had an extraordinarily wide selection of food on the menu, VixNix noted). You can see the trail here : Gomshall, Gomzle, Goms-hall

Now it must’ve been the altitude (see my spoof video) as my ears hadn’t popped when we got down, but I thought I went slightly deaf. Apparently, on the train home, Brooksie commented on the fleece that I was wearing – ‘I really like your Berghaus’. It's not what I heard.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Note To Self

You've got to shake your fists at lightning now,
You've got to roar like forest fire,
You've got to spread your light like blazes
All across the sky.
They're going to aim the hoses on you
Show 'em you won't expire!
Not till you burn up every passion
Not even when you die.

Come on now

You've got to try...
If you're feeling contempt -
Well then you tell it
If you're tired of the silent night
Jesus well then you yell it!
Condemned to wires and hammers
Strike every chord that you feel
That broken trees
And elephant ivories conceal.

Judgement of the Moon and Stars
jm 1972